Getting Carried Away
(Source: dontgetcomfortable, via rachelweenirburger)
We all know this feeling.
That feeling when your 60 year old teacher is wearing skinny jeans.
They made me kick a soccer ball back and forth with a frail little freshperson in gym today.
Who would have thought they would find a way to make early morning athletics with dwarves an unexciting and thoroughly soul-draining event?
A donut? DO NOT WANT… DO NOT… DONOT… DONUT… DONUT WANT… Want donut… *goes and gets donut*
Yes, I put this on funnyjunk first. Kill me.
Here is how to access sites in the event of a DNS takedown.
Tumblr: 174.121.194.34/dashboard
Facebook: 69.171.224.11
Twitter: 174.121.194.34
LiveJournal: 209.200.154.225
Wikipedia: 208.80.152.201
Reddit: 72.247.244.88
Google: 74.125.157.99
Youtube: 74.125.65.91
Hotmail: 65.55.72.135
ThePirateBay: 194.71.107.15
(via voiceofwho)
Isn’t it beautiful? I figured out exactly what my teacher was asking for and withheld my contempt of cheesiness for just long enough to crank this out without seeming jaded.
… SO HERE’S A BUNCH OF RANDOM SHIT ABOUT HIM
- Full name Charles Spencer Chaplin
- Born in London in 1889
- Parents were both stage performers
- Named after his father
- His Father passed away early in his life and he institutionalized his mentally ill mother, making him an orphan. He was forced to utilize his many physical and vocal performing talents in order to get by.
- Stage debut at age 14 in Sherlock Holmes
- Joined up with a theater troupe and performed an immensely popular sketch as an old drunk
- American moviemakers took notice of the sketch and offered to make Charlie a movie star
- Left everything behind to make movies, his first one titled Making a Living in 1914
- After a few years of fame broke away with his newfound riches and built his own studio (1920’s)
- Made a number of controversial yet funny films about life in America.
- Invented the character “the Little Tramp” a waddling, mustached vagrant who became involved in various hilarious shenanigans.
- The impact of the media on everyday American life was beginning to grow with the introduction of moving pictures to the public, and Charlie realized he could speak to and influence the masses through his work
- Took in a brilliant young boy who could mimic Charlie’s every move for the movie “The Kid”, where the Tramp is left to raise an abandoned baby as his own.
- Some of the messages in his movies were taken the wrong way
- Was suspected to be a Communist by the head of the FBI, prompting Chaplin to go to Switzerland
- Chaplin kept the success alive, making 2 movies when out of the states
- Was forced to pay for a love child supposedly conceived during a brief fling with young actress Joan Barry
- Blood tests showed the child was not his, but blood tests did not count as evidence at the time
- Won an Academy award for his work in 1972
- Chaplin was Knighted by the Queen of England in 1975
- Died in 1977, Christmas day
- Was married 4 times, to women aged 17, 16, 26, and 17 when he was 29, 35, 47, and 54
- In 1978, Chaplin’s corpse was stolen from its grave
- His body was recovered 3 months later
- Chaplin is now buried in a cement-covered tomb
For pre-calc last year I was given a partner and told to create a story in which 4 or 5 distance funtions could be carried out. I stopped listening at “create a story” and left my partner to do the math part and so was born the epic tale of GAY NARWHALS IN SPACE. (every break has a small event that had a problem tied to it, but sadly those parts were on my partner Ashley’s computer). I also made various photoshops of the characters.
Space… is big. It is immense. It is humongous. It is so these things, in fact, that it is immeasurable in its width, length, girth, scope, volume, perimeter, area, or other currently unnamed forms of measurement. What _is_ measurable in the vacuum of outer space, however, are space rights. Specifically gay narwhal space rights. This is the shocking tale of two gay space narwhals on their quest to obtain the space right to get married… in space. Space conservatives, who don’t want to allow gay space narwhals to even exist (much less marry), heavily influence the space government in the Texas galaxy. They claim that robot ninja space Jesus frowns on gay narwhal space marriage.
We join our heroes during a time of joy. Space Pilates trainer Hans
and his boyfriend Clay Aiken
are on their way to see a space drag show starring their best friend April the drag narwhal. Hans and Clay Aiken are very much in love, bravely holding fins as they space swim down the nebula. April suffers from crippling space stage fright and needs them there for support during her first show, so they don’t want to be late. As they exit the space highway wormhole nebula traveling thing or whatever, Clay’s brand new handbag gets yanked from his fin by an especially strong space breeze. Clay knows that handbags come and go, but this one has the tickets inside of it!
math problem where they chase the bag…
Arriving just in time, at the door they happen upon Frederick (the civilized bouncer manatee). He greets them with a “Wot-wot very good chaps! Glad you could make it!” What a lovely gentleman.
After the show, Hans and Clay decide to take the exhausted April to dinner. On the way, however, they pass a high gravity planet!!!! OH NO! April’s wig, loose from the long night of space drag dance hair whipping, is quickly sucked in to orbit. April screeches at her sudden naked- headedness, but sits tight, waiting for the orbit to return the wig to her head. Like a boss. A space boss.
With the wig firmly back on April’s head, the posse goes to dinner at the space diner and eats space burgers. The topic of space marriage comes up and April asks why Hans and Clay have yet to get space married, as they are both very much in flubbery, gay space narwhal-y love. Clay Aiken reveals that his parents are space conservative, and he has yet to come out of the space closet to them!!! (MADNESS! HORROR! WHAAAAAAT?! Isn’t that an awesome twist?!) April yells in a drag narwhal-ish (and maybe a little bit drunk) manner that Clay must come out to them IMMEDIATELY so that he and Hans can begin the “healing process” and “get in touch with each other’s space chakras” (no, we don’t understand what she’s talking about either).
Hans and Clay don’t usually take the space advice of slightly drunk drag narwhals in space, but in this case they agree that now is the time to act. They waste no time in rushing over to Clay’s parent’s space house and ringing the space doorbell. They are allowed in, and twenty minutes pass with not a sign. Then, the homophobic raptor space police arrive, called in secret by Clay Aiken’s conservative space parents. Those jerks.
Having evaded immediate capture by the raptor space police, Hans and Clay decide that taking advice from drunk April is a stupid space idea and should not be repeated. They also decide to forsake his parents and go get married in spite of them in space Massachusetts! The wedding is organized by April who, despite a lack of advice-giving skills, certainly knows how to plan a space wedding. One other issue with April, though, is that her idea of ceremonial space wedding beauty is “long long long long long long long long space walks down the space isle.” Clay’s wedding dress (designed by April, of course), is made for just that sort of walk. With “here comes the bride” being played one note every 5 seconds or so, Clay begins his long progression to the altar.
math problem about just how long that walk will be.
Needless to say, we got a 100.
